I got a bit of a wake-up call this week concerning my weight.

Twice, while trying to dress for school, i couldn’t wear what I had planned to because it didn’t fit right. Shirts wouldn’t stay buttoned, pants could barely stay closed. Apart from being annoying, it was a startling reminder that I wasn’t eating properly and taking care of my health.

Ever since I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2012 or so, my weight has been on an upward trajectory – I’ve gained 40 lbs in about six years, and gone up at least 7 dress sizes. It’s pretty awful when I think about it.

Over the last several years, I’ve made many short-lived attempts to reduce my weight, but they’ve failed for a few different reasons.

I think the major reason is that I just wasn’t able to commit to my goal. The weight gain came on rapidly and seemingly out of nowhere, and I felt powerless to do anything about it. Some of it was exacerbated by medicine I was on, like Prednisone and Microgynon.

I’m far from blameless, though. Around that time, I also succumbed to emotional eating, in an attempt to cope with the stress from other problems I was having at the time. Sweets and fatty foods became my retreats from anxiety and depression. I still struggle with emotional eating on a regular basis.

However, sitting down for the past couple of weeks to write about my health issues has made me realise that there’s actually a lot going on with my body, and it would be good for me to start doing what I can to improve my health.

So, I’ve made a renewed effort to try to lose weight and eat better. Currently, my BMI rating is 29.8, which means I’m overweight. Just 0.2 points more, and I’ll qualify as obese. My goal is to lose the extra 40 lbs I gained. That will get my BMI down to 23.5, and right in the middle of a healthy weight range for my height. I’ve been told in the past that losing weight should improve my hormonal issues, so I’m looking forward to that. It will also be great to be able to shop for clothes at more than just a few stores.

This was a bit of an aside until I see a rheumatologist. I’m not able to see the doctor just yet, due to financial constraints, so I’ll work on my weight and fitness in the meantime.